Monthly Archives: June 2016

A Day At the Zoo #1 – Giraffe

These entries, which I will add to the blog periodically, are just some random pieces that I wrote down for practice the evening after I visited London Zoo.  They’re not proper stories, but they’ll introduce you to all the animals there, sometimes in their words and sometimes in mine, and I hope they amuse.

Well, whadda ya say, whadda ya know?

Whoozese humans lookin’ at me?

No, no, I ain’t comin’ out.  If you’d like ta see my good side you’ll have ta wait until I go to the john.

For now, the head is all ya get.  Brown patches, lil’ horns, black eyes, big ol’ lashes an’ long, hooked lips.

Hey!  I got some hay ta eat!  A smooth ol’ bend and stretch of the neck, out with the tongue and… got some!  I see the okapis next door are a no show.  Who can blame ’em, when I got a neck big as a house that flexes just as good as theirs?

What, ya wanted ta see ’em too?  Come back another time, may when I’m dozin’ and they ain’t feelin’ second best next ta me.  See ya!


Who, Where and Why?

A flash fiction story on the theme “holidays”.


Hello, my name’s Jeremy, from Woking. I’m really, really happy. Mummy and Daddy just told me we’re going to Disneyworld next summer! My friend Taran went last year and he got to hug Princess Jasmine! I can’t wait!
Alright there, ya muppets! I’m Dan, from Walthamstow, an’ you can sod yer fairytale castles. Next summer is my big 2-1, so me and the lads are off to Magaluf. Cue bakin’ sun, slammin’ beats and pussy galore!!!
Privyet! I am Vassily, from Rostov-Na-Donu. Unlike Daniel, I don’t need to look for sex in the sun. Next June, after marrying the lovely Svetlana, we will spend our honeymoon in Crete, giving pleasure to one another in many ways!
Hei! I am Rolf, from Stavanger. I too enjoy sunny beaches, but for me, nothing beats driving up to Hovden at Christmas time to have fun on the slopes. Show me a Norweigans who hates skiing and I’ll show you a six-legged cow!
Hi, I’m Damian, from… Who cares? It’s not fair!!! Everyone here’s going to the beach, or dancing, or skiing, or to Disneyworld… Why can’t my Dad get a better job, so we don’t just have to go camping every summer?
Bonjour! I am Claudette, from Rouen. Mais, quel ennui! My parents and I are driving to Italy next summer, to look at the old buildings and art galleries, but I hate long car journeys! Why can we not just do the same in Paris?
Hello, I’m Chloe, from Bromley. Damian and Claudette can come on holiday with me and Billy Bear if they like. Last week, we went to Chocolate Cove, where the beach was made out of Smarties!
Salaam alaikum, friends. I am Rafat, from Amman. Wonderful as Chloe’s holiday sounds, I can imagine no finer journey than taking the hajj to Mecca, to pay my respects at the tomb of the Prophet. My brother Faisal and I will do so next spring, as we have long dreamed.
G’day, I’m Patrick, from Sydney. I’m Catholic, so Mecca’s off the cards, but that hasn’t stopped me taking a cruise around the Pacific. I saw New Zealand, China, Peru, Tahiti, California and more, all in 5 weeks. You beauty!
Mambo. My name is Husani, from Mombasa. My… good friend Matthew and I will be going to California ourselves soon. We told our families we were going for the beaches and the sightseeing. They would not like to think we were going there… for Pride Day.
Hey y’all, ah’m Martha, from San Antonio. Funny, while those dudes are takin’ a break from Africa, ah’ll be takin’ a break over there! Ah just lurve the beauty o’ nature, an’ goin’ awn safari awn the Serengeti has always been mah dream.
Hello there, I’m Sophie, from Ottawa. After university, I’m planning to take a trip right round the World. Why? Because I want to discover how people can all be so different, and yet so alike.