Monthly Archives: December 2021

The Pitch Meeting Rock (a poem to set to music)

With only an hour until the year is over, one last post. This poem is one I wrote for a casual competition my writer’s group put on over Christmas. They wanted a poem that was about food, so I wrote a funny parody of “representative” modern commercials that echoes the rocking fun of old soft drinks commercials, like Coca-Cola’s “Can’t Beat the Feeling” commercial from 1989. Pick a tune that’s catchy and rocking, but speak the last line in time with the music in a tone that suggests disinterest. Happy New Year!

“We need an ad for our new cola that can’t be ignored!

I’ve come up with a new idea. Here’s the storyboard.

There’s people having great times to a rocking theme

And best of all, it’s standing by the Liberal Dream!”

“We’ve got…

Roller-bladers, a skateboarder, a white man double-dutching with his mixed-race daughter,

We’ve got all sorts of lovers, folk of every shade…

Soon no imam or rabbi will be drinking lemonade!”

“There’s some wheelchair dancers at a festival,

An 80-year-old weightlifter and best of all,

Here’s a white girl on a tandem with her boyfriend… Adimbola!!!”

“OH YEAH!”

“A gay couple; that counts double. Criticise that and you’ll be in trouble!

We’ve got jet skis and footballers, four guys in drag,

And a cowboy on his horse with the American flag!”

“You’ll prove bigotry stinks if you buy this new drink!

Go on Mister Chairman, WHAT DO YOU THINK?!?”

“Not bad… but are we really selling cola?”

Cultural Short #3; Pride of My Life, King of My Heart

This is the third and most special of the cultural shorts from my life chronicle. That is because it describes the movie that is one of the true landmarks of my life. I’ve seen more mature things since, other fantastic movies before and after, but never, ever, has any movie touched me in the way this one has. Enjoy.

You wouldn’t have thought it was possible to love a movie before you see it.  Yet right from the day in 1994 when I opened the Radio Times and saw these words, I knew I had found a movie that would become a milestone in my existence…

“The greatest adventure of all is knowing where we stand in the Circle of Life.”

Of course, I’m not the only one who loved The Lion King.  There is ever so much to love in there.  The natural wonders of the African plains are spectacularly reproduced.  The animals move and act the same way as their real-life counterparts.  The emotions are profound, the jokes are sharp, the songs are catchy and I would need a microscope to find holes in the plot.  (How closely do you have to observe the movie to notice Nala’s eyes change colour part way?)  Yet what did make The Lion King the movie that I cannot imagine my life without?

For one thing, there’s the animal story element.  I always did love animal stories, from the picture books of Rosemary Wells and Ruth Brown, through the Animals of Farthing Wood and the Rupert Bear animals, right through to anthropomorphic graphic novels like Blacksad in adulthood.  Yet The Lion King has characters who look just like animals, yet feel human, in a way no other franchise can match.  And what more magnificent animal is there to be a central character than a lion?

Secondly, there is a pleasing twist to the characters.  Simba’s emotional development through the story is certainly profound.  James Earl Jones, as Mufasa, has some of the best lines and delivery of all, and makes the scene where he appears as a spirit a moment to remember forever.  Timon and Pumbaa are superb comic relief characters and even the hyenas have a worthwhile development, going from rather dim grunts to misused allies whose loyalty can only stretch so far.

Yet The Lion King has a unique position in my cultural memory in that it is very nearly the only movie I have ever seen where I genuinely and deeply love the villain.  Animated with genuine love by Andreas Deja and voiced with oily panache by Jeremy Irons (whom I had never seen in movies or TV before this point), Scar is the standout character of the movie.  His dry wit and melodious turns of phrase make it impossible to hate him, however dark his path becomes.  In a certain way, he is the deepest character.  One wonders what could have driven him to kill his own brother.  Was his jealousy of Simba’s ascendancy or Mufasa’s greater strength and popularity the whole story?  A lot of fan fiction suggests he loved Sarabi before Mufasa took her as mate.  Why else might he lash out when Sarabi compares him to Mufasa?  He might have craved power without responsibility, he might have crossed the line more than once, but for me, Scar is the true lion king.

Then there’s the music.  The Lion King was one of the things that first got me to pay attention to the charts, for two of the songs were released as singles in 1994.  Even to this day, a deep chord of bliss strikes me when the first notes of Can You Feel the Love Tonight starts playing on the French Horn.  We owe Tim Rice and Elton John that honour, the score deserves a mention too.  Hans Zimmer’s This Land theme is part of what raises Mufasa’s appearance to Simba as a spirit as high as the stars themselves.  The strident African cry that starts the Circle of Life sequence sends the movie bursting into life and makes it unforgettable right from the start.  The hyenas’ discordant theme enhances their heinous image and must have set a million younger kids squirming in terror.  And then, at the movie’s climax, your heart soars with the strings as Simba rises to his destiny and his father’s voice resounds one last time.

The last thing I love about The Lion King, as I have said, is the plot.  Immediately before The Lion King we had Beauty and the Beast, which was full of drama, passion and pathos.  Then came Aladdin, which could be dramatic but was mostly held up by hilarious gags.  The Lion King combined both these winning elements superbly.

Think of how dramatically we are introduced to the Pridelands and its rulers in the first 10 minutes, then we immediately encounter the bad seed who will bring it all crashing down.  Consider just how devastating Mufasa’s death is to Simba, when he had been such a joyful and mischievous cub before.  There are even plenty of subtleties, like Timon being reluctant to take Simba in because he’s a predator, then baulking visibly when Simba remarks; “I could eat a whole zebra!”  Comparing the movie to Hamlet is not wide of the mark, for elements of the plot are indeed worthy of Shakespeare.  Who appreciated that Simba goes back to claim his kingdom still thinking at heart that it was he, not Scar, was responsible for his father’s death?

One reason I know I cannot be the only super-fan of The Lion King is the stage show.  When it came out at the Lyceum Theatre in autumn 1999, I thought it would be gone within 2 to 3 years.  It.  Is.  Still.  There.  While you can’t translate all the elements of an animated movie seamlessly onto stage (the stampede scene is flawed), it’s got scenes and songs in it that keep it distinct too.  I remember when I saw it for the first time in 2007, the song Endless Night made me cry a river.  I’ve seen it once more in 2019 and surely will again.

Time and again, The Lion King has affected my life.  My friends vividly remember my Broadway Simba headdress and sarong at my Childhood Heroes 30th birthday party.  A Kenyan co-worker in my first full-time job said “Hakuna Matata” to me.  He was amazed when I said “No worries” straight back!  On the 20th December 2012, although sure the Mayans had not predicted the Apocalypse, I rewatched The Lion King as if I did believe it.  Yet most of all, in May 2018, when I scattered my late mother’s ashes into the soil, I muttered old wisdom as it took on new meaning…

“When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass, and so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life.”

Remember?  There is no chance I could possibly forget.